but i think i will like chicago! honestly!

prob not TESOL in spokane fyi...stupid freaking rumors

i like it here, i love jp so much, but i think life in the big city would give me indescribably joy. seriously

not gonna think about it anymore. seriously. but we all know that's not possible

BARCELONA

great show! despite a short set, they were awesome! i've been feeling electronic-based music lately, but they were fabulous! and praise jesus, i'm so incredibly thankful for a roommate who wants to spend time with me. it doesn't (to me) feel like i'm being dragged around against her will. b and e were fun as well! big sharpie x's on both hands...gotta wash that off.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JZyGdXSCe6U

halloween cash came in the mail today...it's basically gone haha

spokane public library is so nice! well the downtown one at least. big glass wall overlooking the falls and at least the homeless people are reading books! speaking of homeless people...e and i were walking home from class today and we stopped to chat with neighbors bill and cindy and their cats. also met marv(in) and princess broken-tail. marv claims to be part indian, bill and cindy chalk his silliness up to a serious drinking problem. they like having us as neighbors. mostly because when we have parties the ambulances never make an appearance. anyways marv gave e and i 3 vhs tapes just for kicks. we'll probably watch them and then give em back. just because he might want them? haha but it was a good conversation that e and i could have. and then later on the way home from safeway he started another conversation with me. praise jesus! i want to be friends, and he seemed scared of/weirded out by me after day 1 when i freaked to find out he lived next door. ha ha

also what the heck TESOL in spokane? that's a game changer for sure! it'll be funny to see what happens in my future! really felt God telling me not to worry about what might be or might have been today in chapel. no need to freak out, but definitely praying over the choice to make. also waiting on FAFSA to hear what the fed will do for me. cause i got no jobbbb

lame. hate money so much

norman rockwell

“I unconsciously decided that, even if it wasn’t an ideal world, it should be and so painted only the ideal aspects of it—pictures in which there are no drunken slatterns or self-centered mothers … only foxy grandpas who played baseball with the kids and boys who fished from logs and got up circuses in the backyard.”

long long day of sort of rain following a long long week.

i am tired. but not running on empty. that might come later.

i miss h and t so so much and i am so thankful for texting and phones and pictures and love and i miss them! but only like 60 days till we're reunited.

all i want to do is read. but books are so expensive and the closest library isn't so close. well it sort of is but with an out-of-order bike it's not so great.

read read read

i started a list of things to read

t is sending books from my house in a package

yippee!

also: can't wait to get home and rock it out in the car w/k8---I miss her!

shane claibourne

If this bloody, counterfeit liberation is American...

I am proud to be un-American.

If depleted uranium is American...

I am proud to be un-American.

If US sanctions are American...

I am proud to be un-American.

If the imposed "peace" of Pax Americana is American...

I am proud to be un-American.

But if grace, humility, and nonviolence are American...

I am proud to be American.

If sharing to create a safe, sustainable world is American...

I am proud to be American.

If loving our enemies is American...

I am proud to be American.

Regardless, I would die for the people of New York, but I will not kill for them...my kingdom is not of this world.

I would die for the people of Baghdad, but I will not kill for them...my kingdom is not of this world. I will stand in the way of terror and war...my kingdom is not of this world.

I will pledge an allegiance deeper than nationalism, to my God and to my family...my kingdom is not of this world I will use my life to shout, "Another world is possible"...for my kingdom is from another place. "My kingdom is not of this world. If it were, my servants would fight...but now my kingdom is from another place" (Jesus; John 18:36).

--------------------------------------

I don't agree with everything he says...

but it resonates deep in my being.

that was a cheesy thing to say, but it's true

i love bicycling!

love it love it love it

borrowed e's racing bike so a could use my 'user-friendly' one, and it was great! kind of like papa's but not? lower i guess.

finally chicago. settled. there is no other option. and i'm happy about it. could i be anything else? it is exactly what i always wanted, so it's no big deal. self-discipline to adjust to rules, making efforts to get out of the bubble and into the city.

goal 1: find the other 1+3ers

it's so necessary! we're gonna be there for each other next year, so I want to be friends NOW

haha

goal 2: more books, more reading.

use my intellectual gifts to glorify God

boys

suck

except that's not true. i just hate having my motives judged like i think they are. ugh

harmless interaction misinterpreted by relationship-crazy everyone.

what.ever.

i say that a lot, don't i? haha

getting my energy from hanging out and it's so GREAT!

FREAKED by a conversation about spiritual warfare and demon-posession that we had tonight. i know for certain that God is stronger and more powerful than the devil and any of his demons but seriously, those stories were intense.

on a lighter note: youth group! i love being a leader again. around the students, learning about their lives, meeting parents, hanging out with a new church family!

and friends. making connections, sharing stories, love love love.

i just wrote a long paragraph explaining what's on my heart. and then deleted it. it needs to be said. i can't.

home. where is it? heaven for sure, but is it still pa?

what.ev.er.

joyful tears today during chapel when I realized that Christ is my great high priest interceding for me at the throne of God! God looks at me and sees the righteousness of Christ. whoa.

frisbee lesson from e. felt like an idiot girl with a weak wrist. not sure if he was annoyed or amused. ha.

more ot and a super chapel from dr. jonathon armstrong. old covenant is gone, new is in! we either know God or don't. it's that simple. it's not about being fluent in ancient hebrew or traveling the globe to preach the gospel. do you know God? it's that simple.

only eating when hungry, it's a new thing. fat one in the house. it sucks. big time.

homework for the next two weeks is done. bored? but content. this is exactly what i wanted. schwing!

retreat in idaho. met new folks. strengthened friendships with older friends. campfires, open sky filled to the brim with clear stars like i've never seen before. ever. what am i missing? this is so freaking temporary and it makes me want to tear my hair out in frustration and anger and i don't even know what. i want to be friends forever. they'll forget when i leave. is that really my fear? am i this desperate to be needed? but here i am, legitimately worried that tonight, this weekend will be forgotten this time next year. they can be friends for the next four years. i get one. just one. only one. one.

whatever

e, r, b, j, k, and i. watching e and r fix k's bike basket etc. laughter from conversation that was unnatural just one week ago. fixed by uno and some cold weather. b suggests sushi. so we went. SO FUN. really. haha. i keep hating on this mbridali thing but you know, deep down, i'm a stupid insecure teenager who is dying for some guy who loves God to love me too. ridiculous. but not yet. at least, probably not.

don't miss home. maybe some people. but not home. too much fun. this was just what i needed.

watched emma (!!!) with j, a, s, and m. what a lovely family with big hearts and sharp wit! also: funny to watch j and s watch the romance parts. hahahahahaahhahah

loved the edge service at mt spokane church on saturday night and hanging out earlier. we're getting better at this "meet everyone" thing. but still no cliff jumping? well i take that back, other houses have gone but we're still trying to figure out how to make it happen...

also: need to stop buying coffee and save for portland! also: gotta make it to seattle and canada by may! but portland in october is definitely doable. need to locate youth hostels near the tennis match site :P

NO MORE COFFEE

NO MORE COFFEE

also: no gilmore until my ot app for sept 22nd is done. d.o.n.e.

i miss sis k! and the others but they're having loads of fun so it's okay.

sitting in a dark movie theater is a terrible way to get acquainted. especially with a worthless movie like the A Team playing in the background. but they didn't seem too excited at the idea of another park day?

the situation looks dreary. i sure hope k was satisfied with the social experience. i thought it was silly.

but don't worry, I'm not angry.

class ends at 10:30 today. maybe after a little homework we can go for hangout take 2.

please please please

i'm ready for a little sincerity too, but trust me, a crappy movie that glorifies sin is not the right environment to build friendships. neither is a dark room where you have to be quiet.

just saying.

praise God for a driving! i feel safe with her behind the wheel ;)

feels like rain today. already cold here. nora is a house of complaints when it comes to the weather. i'll try to stop, at least, i told myself i would.

church doctrines this morning. 3 hours but i could have gone for 9, no lie. i don't think it's because i don't know it (not that i know it all) but i could talk about this stuff forever. also: it's not hormones. i literally laughed and cried and felt a ton of joy all in that one class. maybe that's not a big deal. those who know me know that i cry every week in church, never fail. every week, every church. but haven't been this pumped about learning since MBC and TKM in 9th grade. maybe why atticus coffee & gifts is so appealing. could this transfer over into my study habits??

laundry day. thoughts are about as jumbled as the clothes in the dryer. pardon my cliche. hmmm, can't do an 'e' with an accent aigu with this formatting. what a shame.

first day of senior year for h, c, and s. hope they like it. i've texted to tell them but here's my advice:

-live it up

-share Christ with the kids you'll never see after june. you know, the ones i deleted on fb before deleting fb because i don't want to see their drunk pics from blooms, psu, udel, and wvu

-go on adventures

-run away from the security guards

-learn a little. kolman might be the only one worth learning from

gosh i love them. and i know for certain that c will never read this so i had to text him to tell him. nice thought though, that maybe he would read it. oh well.

ex nihilo

OT survey today

Genesis. beginnings.

God creates man in his own image. to be a manifestation of God's invisible qualities.

God speaks and creates everything out of nothing.

i respond with a mixture of awe and worry over my first paper for that class.

Borrowed a's bike today and when r & e tried to put air in the tires as a favor, they broke the tire? they're trying to fix it right now. love my life. but thankful for the guys next door.

free box seat (PLUS FIREWORKS) tickets to the spokane indians baseball game tonight. thanks e!

taking notes far ahead of what's due now. hopefully everyone will hate me for my free time come finals.

i miss my bicycle SO MUCH. but so thankful that a is letting me use hers. i sure hope it gets fixed asap. can you tell that i'm worried about that right now? cause i am. yep.

UPDATE

boys fixed bike tire good as new! praise the lord!

biked to the downtown library (3 miles each way) with h's letter as proof of address and forgot my id. i hate when people say this but: epic fail

anyway now i know where it is. cool!

a small taste of my eclectic experiences thus far in spoakne, wa

above: a legit indian pow wow downtown. culture!

our house! noraaaaa

WHOA WHOA WHOA

haha remember that post in february where i bemoaned the choice ahead? well God sure chose for me! moody was his desire, but in washington state and not chicago. right now, couldn't be happier. but sinking suspicion that i don't really know what i'm missing in downtown chicago. pshh whatever.

i am a college student now. and i live in spokane, wa. that is 2500 miles from my home. but it's not home anymore? for the past 4 years i have realized that God made me without deep roots. leaving doesn't make me sad, and i don't miss it? well that's a lie i guess...i miss being known. every conversation with a new person a mbi must involve background. no one knows me. and that's a pretty new thing for me. the little things, like explaining who k and m and c and h and t are...it's hard to go from late-night talks and adventures and total familiarity with h staring at the abbey road poster in my room ;) to having to explain who she is when i get a much-needed letter from her. i had to delete my facebook too. ha! i didn't think it would get in the way of homework, but whenever i turn on my computer it's there! and i log in and i don't want to but i did so i got rid of it. praise the lord!

you know what i like about spokane? there's coffee EVERYWHERE. but it's also my least favorite thing. i spend money almost every day on coffee. i need to rein that in somehow. ugh.

church #2 today! southside christian church. inside an old movie theater. focus on the outside, really friendly, but i wondered how much bible study goes on...i'm so so used to hbc and studying one book of the bible verse by verse for like a year. i mean, where else do churches spend 12 weeks on 1 corinthians 13?! i don't know where i'm going to find something like that, or if i will.

also this morning, bike riding into downtown with j! sunshine and the beautiful river and madeline's and a freaking delicious chocolate croissant. what the heck?! too much fun.

WHOA WHOA WHOA

I'm in college

option #1
Liberty University
Major in English, Minor is TESOL/Missions
-party at the biggest christian school in the nation
-DIVISION I SPORTS!!!!!
-Tons of opportunity with new technology and land and stuff being donated to the school all the time

option #2
Moody Bible Institute
Double Major in Bible and TESOL
-right in the center of downtown Chicago!
-tuition free so I can go into ministry without debts!!!
-totally Bible-focused and 100% doctrinally sound

option #3
Gordon College
Major in English, Minor in TESOL/Missions
-beautiful new england campus
-totally literary-focused and really into the arts
-awesome student-led worship and organizations

what the heck?!?! how am I supposed to choose?!?!?

what happens on the day when you wake up and you're all alone?