Anais Nin

"I seek the real stuff of life. Profound drama."

I like it
Must find more writings by this sensational author
And must take a new picture, but don't like the look the lens gives me
big changes on friday, but they never seem like they are for real

sonnet 130 and an acrylic daydream

"My mistress' eyes are nothing like the sun

Coral is far more red than her lips' red;

I have seen roses damasked, red and white,

but no such roses see I in her cheeks;

And in some prefumes there is more delight

Than in the breath that from my mistress reeks.

I love to hear her speak yet well I know

That music hath a far more pleasing sound.

I grant I never saw a goddess go;

My mistress, when she walks treads on the ground.

And yet, by heaven, I think my love as rare

As any she belied with false compare."

---William Shakespeare

How wonderful to think that he sees the obvious flaws in his love's beauty, yet regards her as lovely still, even more lovely than women who try too hard or charm with only their faces and not their character.

Also---what a lovely day! This single painting strengthened a bond between two friends, awakened an artistic desire I had until now not recognized, and passed the hours of a joyous saturday without work.

blur

No matter how crazy things in my life are getting (ie: right now) I will always make time to keep reading, because I love finding cool things in obscure books. Here's my latest discovery

"My God how endless is thy love!
Thy gifts are every evening new;
And morning mercies from above
Gently distill like early dew.

Thou spread'st the curtains of the night
Great Guardian of my sleeping hours;
Thy sovreign word restores the light
and quickens all my drowsy pow'rs

I yield my pow'rs to thy command.
To thee I consecrate my days;
Perpetual blessings deom thy hand
Demand perpetual songs of praise."

-Isaac Watts, 1708

I also found another sonnet I LOVE
maybe I'll post it when things cool down
which might be never, but we'll see

A Look Beyond

"Beauty calls with a siren's voice, and our longing to abandon all and chase after it is almost overwhelming. But we find that beauty is like the rainbow's end: It beckons but eludes. It's a shimmering soap bubble that disappears in our grasping hand. In the presence of beauty we are like a child with her nose pressed to the window of a toy store. We look and yearn, but we find a barrier that prevents the full experience of what is before us. As much as we long to immerse ourselves in the beauty we see, we can't do it. Even at the most intense moment of ectasy in our experience of the symphony, the sunset, the painting, or the embrace, we realize that what we really long for is yet beyond. These wonderful things are only the images fo the real object of our desire, and that object remains as elusive as ever."

"In beauty we hear the chords of the supernatural reverberating within nature. Beauty invites us to see within nature and art that greater reality in which everything has its origin. Beauty in its fullness remains elusive to us because it emanates from a dimension that is closed off to us. We live within nature---a nature so fallen that it taints all the beauty that shines on it from the dimersion of the supernatural. Yet beauty breaks through the cloud of the Fall and bathes all nature with a glory that declares the transcendent source of all things. The glimpses of beauty that invade our world are tangible evidence that beauty in its fullness does exist. And that taste of beauty underscores the promise that we can ultimately ascend to that dimension and find the true object of our desire. But not yet. For now is our place in the world, where we have tasks to be done and duties to be performed before we can abandon all and pursue the beauty that so tantalizes us."

---The Search for Certainty by Josh McDowell and Thomas Williams

WOW
That was the coolest thing I have read in...ever

innocence again?

Mama asked what I wanted for my 17th birthday today:

Well, I didn't tell her this, but I secretly want a time machine. I would then use said time machine to go and change my life by:

1) not quitting ballet
2) not quitting field hockey
3) taking piano lessons
4) staying in touch with devynne
5) living on a farm

I think I might be getting a bike and clothes
second best to a recaptured childhood I guess

layed out on the dead yellow post-winter grass in my front yard to analyze sonnet #130, my dog barked at another dog, and then hot-ish 19 year old neighbor boy came to get his dog and found me, sprawled on the dead yellow post-winter grass in soffees, phantom of the opera tshirt, aviators, and gross after working hair

hate my life sometimes

not in the mood for dinner, organizing the songs on mama's iPod
did I mention? not going home from church tomorrow...this musical is the worst thing since snuggies

exhaustion

"Now I was sitting waiting wishing that you believed in superstitions
Then maybe you'd see the signs
But Lord knows that this world is cruel
And I ain't the Lord no I'm just a fool
Learning loving somebody don't make them love you

Must I always be waiting, waiting on you?
Must I always be playing, playing your fool?"
---my bff jack j

TIRED OF THIS BEING THE STORY OF MY LIFE
even my disgusting materialism and amazing friends can't be the band-aid on this cut!

Really want to take a walk---don't want to get wet

what you thought you need

do we ever know what's best for ourselves?

I sat next to a picnic bench today and felt the sun
molly literally ate my oldest pair of flip flops
they're in the bottom of the trashcan---can't bring myself to spend $2.50 on a new pair

answer to #1
I don't think so

ce n'est pas d'accord

Poetry---read it but don't write it
note to self: shakespeare to come

Materialism---I am the victim
note to self: stop carrying money around

Reading---I know nothing
note to self: expand the bookshelf (contradicts my materialism?!)

Social Appeal---I am the original wallflower
note to self: meet someone new

School Work Ethic---could care less, parents don't agree
note to self: actually crack the calc book, compose the music theory project, turn those C's into A's before April

isn't it ironic?

Out of all the Post Secrets I've read, I somehow like this one the best. Just a few days ago, I found a time capsule in my room that I made when I was in about 2nd grade. I haven't opened it, because it told me not to until 2019, but I think burying it would be more fun. Who knows? Maybe someone will find it 50 years from now when our house is no longer standing, and they will find it interesting. Hopefully whatever this person had to bury wasn't too painful...because all the person who finds mine is getting is a few momentos of Pokemon and American Girl Dolls!

Also a note: I'm getting baptized along with my older sister and my brother on Easter Sunday...can't wait!

And one more thing: HOW COOL IS THIS?!?!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SG6Ef-NQCi4

to do

There are SO MANY things I wish I was good at! But I don't seem to have the time to accomplish them...my life is so busy right now!!! I do use this cool website called 43things to "keep track" of the things I want to do...but it's more for kicks than anything. Here's an abbreviated list of the things I want to learn/do right now

1) Play Guitar
2) Play Piano
3) Play Flute
4) Learn sign language
5) Work on french fluency
6) Learn to do a cartwheel
7) Learn how to knit *well*

I truly have no time for any of this...but I want to do them all SO BADLY!

the secret sits

"We sit round in a ring and suppose

But the Secret sits in the middle and knows."

Robert Frost 1936

WHOAA! this was a super cool poem to read...and I like it so much!

Well anyway...I've been pretty busy, especially with a renewed interest in playing my viola and doing cool things like that, but I'm getting my permit (1 year late woot!!!) on thursday and just normal stuff.

Also---I have noticed a recent disinterest in doing my homework and anything else related to school---this is not good, especially since I am only 1/4 of the way finished with my real classes this year

And up top is just one of the photos I'm entering in the coffeehouse photography contest at church:

taken right before new year's if I remember correctly