FREAKED by a conversation about spiritual warfare and demon-posession that we had tonight. i know for certain that God is stronger and more powerful than the devil and any of his demons but seriously, those stories were intense.

on a lighter note: youth group! i love being a leader again. around the students, learning about their lives, meeting parents, hanging out with a new church family!

and friends. making connections, sharing stories, love love love.

i just wrote a long paragraph explaining what's on my heart. and then deleted it. it needs to be said. i can't.

home. where is it? heaven for sure, but is it still pa?

what.ev.er.

joyful tears today during chapel when I realized that Christ is my great high priest interceding for me at the throne of God! God looks at me and sees the righteousness of Christ. whoa.

frisbee lesson from e. felt like an idiot girl with a weak wrist. not sure if he was annoyed or amused. ha.

more ot and a super chapel from dr. jonathon armstrong. old covenant is gone, new is in! we either know God or don't. it's that simple. it's not about being fluent in ancient hebrew or traveling the globe to preach the gospel. do you know God? it's that simple.

only eating when hungry, it's a new thing. fat one in the house. it sucks. big time.

homework for the next two weeks is done. bored? but content. this is exactly what i wanted. schwing!

retreat in idaho. met new folks. strengthened friendships with older friends. campfires, open sky filled to the brim with clear stars like i've never seen before. ever. what am i missing? this is so freaking temporary and it makes me want to tear my hair out in frustration and anger and i don't even know what. i want to be friends forever. they'll forget when i leave. is that really my fear? am i this desperate to be needed? but here i am, legitimately worried that tonight, this weekend will be forgotten this time next year. they can be friends for the next four years. i get one. just one. only one. one.

whatever

e, r, b, j, k, and i. watching e and r fix k's bike basket etc. laughter from conversation that was unnatural just one week ago. fixed by uno and some cold weather. b suggests sushi. so we went. SO FUN. really. haha. i keep hating on this mbridali thing but you know, deep down, i'm a stupid insecure teenager who is dying for some guy who loves God to love me too. ridiculous. but not yet. at least, probably not.

don't miss home. maybe some people. but not home. too much fun. this was just what i needed.

watched emma (!!!) with j, a, s, and m. what a lovely family with big hearts and sharp wit! also: funny to watch j and s watch the romance parts. hahahahahaahhahah

loved the edge service at mt spokane church on saturday night and hanging out earlier. we're getting better at this "meet everyone" thing. but still no cliff jumping? well i take that back, other houses have gone but we're still trying to figure out how to make it happen...

also: need to stop buying coffee and save for portland! also: gotta make it to seattle and canada by may! but portland in october is definitely doable. need to locate youth hostels near the tennis match site :P

NO MORE COFFEE

NO MORE COFFEE

also: no gilmore until my ot app for sept 22nd is done. d.o.n.e.

i miss sis k! and the others but they're having loads of fun so it's okay.

sitting in a dark movie theater is a terrible way to get acquainted. especially with a worthless movie like the A Team playing in the background. but they didn't seem too excited at the idea of another park day?

the situation looks dreary. i sure hope k was satisfied with the social experience. i thought it was silly.

but don't worry, I'm not angry.

class ends at 10:30 today. maybe after a little homework we can go for hangout take 2.

please please please

i'm ready for a little sincerity too, but trust me, a crappy movie that glorifies sin is not the right environment to build friendships. neither is a dark room where you have to be quiet.

just saying.

praise God for a driving! i feel safe with her behind the wheel ;)

feels like rain today. already cold here. nora is a house of complaints when it comes to the weather. i'll try to stop, at least, i told myself i would.

church doctrines this morning. 3 hours but i could have gone for 9, no lie. i don't think it's because i don't know it (not that i know it all) but i could talk about this stuff forever. also: it's not hormones. i literally laughed and cried and felt a ton of joy all in that one class. maybe that's not a big deal. those who know me know that i cry every week in church, never fail. every week, every church. but haven't been this pumped about learning since MBC and TKM in 9th grade. maybe why atticus coffee & gifts is so appealing. could this transfer over into my study habits??

laundry day. thoughts are about as jumbled as the clothes in the dryer. pardon my cliche. hmmm, can't do an 'e' with an accent aigu with this formatting. what a shame.

first day of senior year for h, c, and s. hope they like it. i've texted to tell them but here's my advice:

-live it up

-share Christ with the kids you'll never see after june. you know, the ones i deleted on fb before deleting fb because i don't want to see their drunk pics from blooms, psu, udel, and wvu

-go on adventures

-run away from the security guards

-learn a little. kolman might be the only one worth learning from

gosh i love them. and i know for certain that c will never read this so i had to text him to tell him. nice thought though, that maybe he would read it. oh well.

ex nihilo

OT survey today

Genesis. beginnings.

God creates man in his own image. to be a manifestation of God's invisible qualities.

God speaks and creates everything out of nothing.

i respond with a mixture of awe and worry over my first paper for that class.

Borrowed a's bike today and when r & e tried to put air in the tires as a favor, they broke the tire? they're trying to fix it right now. love my life. but thankful for the guys next door.

free box seat (PLUS FIREWORKS) tickets to the spokane indians baseball game tonight. thanks e!

taking notes far ahead of what's due now. hopefully everyone will hate me for my free time come finals.

i miss my bicycle SO MUCH. but so thankful that a is letting me use hers. i sure hope it gets fixed asap. can you tell that i'm worried about that right now? cause i am. yep.

UPDATE

boys fixed bike tire good as new! praise the lord!

biked to the downtown library (3 miles each way) with h's letter as proof of address and forgot my id. i hate when people say this but: epic fail

anyway now i know where it is. cool!