retreat in idaho. met new folks. strengthened friendships with older friends. campfires, open sky filled to the brim with clear stars like i've never seen before. ever. what am i missing? this is so freaking temporary and it makes me want to tear my hair out in frustration and anger and i don't even know what. i want to be friends forever. they'll forget when i leave. is that really my fear? am i this desperate to be needed? but here i am, legitimately worried that tonight, this weekend will be forgotten this time next year. they can be friends for the next four years. i get one. just one. only one. one.

whatever

e, r, b, j, k, and i. watching e and r fix k's bike basket etc. laughter from conversation that was unnatural just one week ago. fixed by uno and some cold weather. b suggests sushi. so we went. SO FUN. really. haha. i keep hating on this mbridali thing but you know, deep down, i'm a stupid insecure teenager who is dying for some guy who loves God to love me too. ridiculous. but not yet. at least, probably not.

don't miss home. maybe some people. but not home. too much fun. this was just what i needed.