retreat in idaho. met new folks. strengthened friendships with older friends. campfires, open sky filled to the brim with clear stars like i've never seen before. ever. what am i missing? this is so freaking temporary and it makes me want to tear my hair out in frustration and anger and i don't even know what. i want to be friends forever. they'll forget when i leave. is that really my fear? am i this desperate to be needed? but here i am, legitimately worried that tonight, this weekend will be forgotten this time next year. they can be friends for the next four years. i get one. just one. only one. one.

whatever

e, r, b, j, k, and i. watching e and r fix k's bike basket etc. laughter from conversation that was unnatural just one week ago. fixed by uno and some cold weather. b suggests sushi. so we went. SO FUN. really. haha. i keep hating on this mbridali thing but you know, deep down, i'm a stupid insecure teenager who is dying for some guy who loves God to love me too. ridiculous. but not yet. at least, probably not.

don't miss home. maybe some people. but not home. too much fun. this was just what i needed.

watched emma (!!!) with j, a, s, and m. what a lovely family with big hearts and sharp wit! also: funny to watch j and s watch the romance parts. hahahahahaahhahah

loved the edge service at mt spokane church on saturday night and hanging out earlier. we're getting better at this "meet everyone" thing. but still no cliff jumping? well i take that back, other houses have gone but we're still trying to figure out how to make it happen...

also: need to stop buying coffee and save for portland! also: gotta make it to seattle and canada by may! but portland in october is definitely doable. need to locate youth hostels near the tennis match site :P

NO MORE COFFEE

NO MORE COFFEE

also: no gilmore until my ot app for sept 22nd is done. d.o.n.e.

i miss sis k! and the others but they're having loads of fun so it's okay.

sitting in a dark movie theater is a terrible way to get acquainted. especially with a worthless movie like the A Team playing in the background. but they didn't seem too excited at the idea of another park day?

the situation looks dreary. i sure hope k was satisfied with the social experience. i thought it was silly.

but don't worry, I'm not angry.

class ends at 10:30 today. maybe after a little homework we can go for hangout take 2.

please please please

i'm ready for a little sincerity too, but trust me, a crappy movie that glorifies sin is not the right environment to build friendships. neither is a dark room where you have to be quiet.

just saying.

praise God for a driving! i feel safe with her behind the wheel ;)

feels like rain today. already cold here. nora is a house of complaints when it comes to the weather. i'll try to stop, at least, i told myself i would.

church doctrines this morning. 3 hours but i could have gone for 9, no lie. i don't think it's because i don't know it (not that i know it all) but i could talk about this stuff forever. also: it's not hormones. i literally laughed and cried and felt a ton of joy all in that one class. maybe that's not a big deal. those who know me know that i cry every week in church, never fail. every week, every church. but haven't been this pumped about learning since MBC and TKM in 9th grade. maybe why atticus coffee & gifts is so appealing. could this transfer over into my study habits??

laundry day. thoughts are about as jumbled as the clothes in the dryer. pardon my cliche. hmmm, can't do an 'e' with an accent aigu with this formatting. what a shame.

first day of senior year for h, c, and s. hope they like it. i've texted to tell them but here's my advice:

-live it up

-share Christ with the kids you'll never see after june. you know, the ones i deleted on fb before deleting fb because i don't want to see their drunk pics from blooms, psu, udel, and wvu

-go on adventures

-run away from the security guards

-learn a little. kolman might be the only one worth learning from

gosh i love them. and i know for certain that c will never read this so i had to text him to tell him. nice thought though, that maybe he would read it. oh well.

ex nihilo

OT survey today

Genesis. beginnings.

God creates man in his own image. to be a manifestation of God's invisible qualities.

God speaks and creates everything out of nothing.

i respond with a mixture of awe and worry over my first paper for that class.

Borrowed a's bike today and when r & e tried to put air in the tires as a favor, they broke the tire? they're trying to fix it right now. love my life. but thankful for the guys next door.

free box seat (PLUS FIREWORKS) tickets to the spokane indians baseball game tonight. thanks e!

taking notes far ahead of what's due now. hopefully everyone will hate me for my free time come finals.

i miss my bicycle SO MUCH. but so thankful that a is letting me use hers. i sure hope it gets fixed asap. can you tell that i'm worried about that right now? cause i am. yep.

UPDATE

boys fixed bike tire good as new! praise the lord!

biked to the downtown library (3 miles each way) with h's letter as proof of address and forgot my id. i hate when people say this but: epic fail

anyway now i know where it is. cool!

a small taste of my eclectic experiences thus far in spoakne, wa

above: a legit indian pow wow downtown. culture!

our house! noraaaaa

WHOA WHOA WHOA

haha remember that post in february where i bemoaned the choice ahead? well God sure chose for me! moody was his desire, but in washington state and not chicago. right now, couldn't be happier. but sinking suspicion that i don't really know what i'm missing in downtown chicago. pshh whatever.

i am a college student now. and i live in spokane, wa. that is 2500 miles from my home. but it's not home anymore? for the past 4 years i have realized that God made me without deep roots. leaving doesn't make me sad, and i don't miss it? well that's a lie i guess...i miss being known. every conversation with a new person a mbi must involve background. no one knows me. and that's a pretty new thing for me. the little things, like explaining who k and m and c and h and t are...it's hard to go from late-night talks and adventures and total familiarity with h staring at the abbey road poster in my room ;) to having to explain who she is when i get a much-needed letter from her. i had to delete my facebook too. ha! i didn't think it would get in the way of homework, but whenever i turn on my computer it's there! and i log in and i don't want to but i did so i got rid of it. praise the lord!

you know what i like about spokane? there's coffee EVERYWHERE. but it's also my least favorite thing. i spend money almost every day on coffee. i need to rein that in somehow. ugh.

church #2 today! southside christian church. inside an old movie theater. focus on the outside, really friendly, but i wondered how much bible study goes on...i'm so so used to hbc and studying one book of the bible verse by verse for like a year. i mean, where else do churches spend 12 weeks on 1 corinthians 13?! i don't know where i'm going to find something like that, or if i will.

also this morning, bike riding into downtown with j! sunshine and the beautiful river and madeline's and a freaking delicious chocolate croissant. what the heck?! too much fun.

WHOA WHOA WHOA

I'm in college