i love bicycling!

love it love it love it

borrowed e's racing bike so a could use my 'user-friendly' one, and it was great! kind of like papa's but not? lower i guess.

finally chicago. settled. there is no other option. and i'm happy about it. could i be anything else? it is exactly what i always wanted, so it's no big deal. self-discipline to adjust to rules, making efforts to get out of the bubble and into the city.

goal 1: find the other 1+3ers

it's so necessary! we're gonna be there for each other next year, so I want to be friends NOW

haha

goal 2: more books, more reading.

use my intellectual gifts to glorify God

boys

suck

except that's not true. i just hate having my motives judged like i think they are. ugh

harmless interaction misinterpreted by relationship-crazy everyone.

what.ever.

i say that a lot, don't i? haha

getting my energy from hanging out and it's so GREAT!

FREAKED by a conversation about spiritual warfare and demon-posession that we had tonight. i know for certain that God is stronger and more powerful than the devil and any of his demons but seriously, those stories were intense.

on a lighter note: youth group! i love being a leader again. around the students, learning about their lives, meeting parents, hanging out with a new church family!

and friends. making connections, sharing stories, love love love.

i just wrote a long paragraph explaining what's on my heart. and then deleted it. it needs to be said. i can't.

home. where is it? heaven for sure, but is it still pa?

what.ev.er.

joyful tears today during chapel when I realized that Christ is my great high priest interceding for me at the throne of God! God looks at me and sees the righteousness of Christ. whoa.

frisbee lesson from e. felt like an idiot girl with a weak wrist. not sure if he was annoyed or amused. ha.

more ot and a super chapel from dr. jonathon armstrong. old covenant is gone, new is in! we either know God or don't. it's that simple. it's not about being fluent in ancient hebrew or traveling the globe to preach the gospel. do you know God? it's that simple.

only eating when hungry, it's a new thing. fat one in the house. it sucks. big time.

homework for the next two weeks is done. bored? but content. this is exactly what i wanted. schwing!

retreat in idaho. met new folks. strengthened friendships with older friends. campfires, open sky filled to the brim with clear stars like i've never seen before. ever. what am i missing? this is so freaking temporary and it makes me want to tear my hair out in frustration and anger and i don't even know what. i want to be friends forever. they'll forget when i leave. is that really my fear? am i this desperate to be needed? but here i am, legitimately worried that tonight, this weekend will be forgotten this time next year. they can be friends for the next four years. i get one. just one. only one. one.

whatever

e, r, b, j, k, and i. watching e and r fix k's bike basket etc. laughter from conversation that was unnatural just one week ago. fixed by uno and some cold weather. b suggests sushi. so we went. SO FUN. really. haha. i keep hating on this mbridali thing but you know, deep down, i'm a stupid insecure teenager who is dying for some guy who loves God to love me too. ridiculous. but not yet. at least, probably not.

don't miss home. maybe some people. but not home. too much fun. this was just what i needed.

watched emma (!!!) with j, a, s, and m. what a lovely family with big hearts and sharp wit! also: funny to watch j and s watch the romance parts. hahahahahaahhahah

loved the edge service at mt spokane church on saturday night and hanging out earlier. we're getting better at this "meet everyone" thing. but still no cliff jumping? well i take that back, other houses have gone but we're still trying to figure out how to make it happen...

also: need to stop buying coffee and save for portland! also: gotta make it to seattle and canada by may! but portland in october is definitely doable. need to locate youth hostels near the tennis match site :P

NO MORE COFFEE

NO MORE COFFEE

also: no gilmore until my ot app for sept 22nd is done. d.o.n.e.

i miss sis k! and the others but they're having loads of fun so it's okay.

sitting in a dark movie theater is a terrible way to get acquainted. especially with a worthless movie like the A Team playing in the background. but they didn't seem too excited at the idea of another park day?

the situation looks dreary. i sure hope k was satisfied with the social experience. i thought it was silly.

but don't worry, I'm not angry.

class ends at 10:30 today. maybe after a little homework we can go for hangout take 2.

please please please

i'm ready for a little sincerity too, but trust me, a crappy movie that glorifies sin is not the right environment to build friendships. neither is a dark room where you have to be quiet.

just saying.

praise God for a driving! i feel safe with her behind the wheel ;)