blank pages

2010-10-17T13:37:00.001-07:00

but i think i will like chicago! honestly!

prob not TESOL in spokane fyi...stupid freaking rumors

i like it here, i love jp so much, but i think life in the big city would give me indescribably joy. seriously

not gonna think about it anymore. seriously. but we all know that's not possible

2010-10-15T23:38:00.000-07:00

BARCELONA

great show! despite a short set, they were awesome! i've been feeling electronic-based music lately, but they were fabulous! and praise jesus, i'm so incredibly thankful for a roommate who wants to spend time with me. it doesn't (to me) feel like i'm being dragged around against her will. b and e were fun as well! big sharpie x's on both hands...gotta wash that off.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JZyGdXSCe6U

halloween cash came in the mail today...it's basically gone haha

spokane public library is so nice! well the downtown one at least. big glass wall overlooking the falls and at least the homeless people are reading books! speaking of homeless people...e and i were walking home from class today and we stopped to chat with neighbors bill and cindy and their cats. also met marv(in) and princess broken-tail. marv claims to be part indian, bill and cindy chalk his silliness up to a serious drinking problem. they like having us as neighbors. mostly because when we have parties the ambulances never make an appearance. anyways marv gave e and i 3 vhs tapes just for kicks. we'll probably watch them and then give em back. just because he might want them? haha but it was a good conversation that e and i could have. and then later on the way home from safeway he started another conversation with me. praise jesus! i want to be friends, and he seemed scared of/weirded out by me after day 1 when i freaked to find out he lived next door. ha ha

also what the heck TESOL in spokane? that's a game changer for sure! it'll be funny to see what happens in my future! really felt God telling me not to worry about what might be or might have been today in chapel. no need to freak out, but definitely praying over the choice to make. also waiting on FAFSA to hear what the fed will do for me. cause i got no jobbbb

lame. hate money so much

norman rockwell

2010-10-04T22:26:00.001-07:00

“I unconsciously decided that, even if it wasn’t an ideal world, it should be and so painted only the ideal aspects of it—pictures in which there are no drunken slatterns or self-centered mothers … only foxy grandpas who played baseball with the kids and boys who fished from logs and got up circuses in the backyard.”

2010-10-04T17:47:00.000-07:00

long long day of sort of rain following a long long week.

i am tired. but not running on empty. that might come later.

i miss h and t so so much and i am so thankful for texting and phones and pictures and love and i miss them! but only like 60 days till we're reunited.

all i want to do is read. but books are so expensive and the closest library isn't so close. well it sort of is but with an out-of-order bike it's not so great.

read read read

i started a list of things to read

t is sending books from my house in a package

yippee!

also: can't wait to get home and rock it out in the car w/k8---I miss her!

shane claibourne

2010-10-04T17:35:00.000-07:00

If this bloody, counterfeit liberation is American...

I am proud to be un-American.

If depleted uranium is American...

I am proud to be un-American.

If US sanctions are American...

I am proud to be un-American.

If the imposed "peace" of Pax Americana is American...

I am proud to be un-American.

But if grace, humility, and nonviolence are American...

I am proud to be American.

If sharing to create a safe, sustainable world is American...

I am proud to be American.

If loving our enemies is American...

I am proud to be American.

Regardless, I would die for the people of New York, but I will not kill for them...my kingdom is not of this world.

I would die for the people of Baghdad, but I will not kill for them...my kingdom is not of this world. I will stand in the way of terror and war...my kingdom is not of this world.

I will pledge an allegiance deeper than nationalism, to my God and to my family...my kingdom is not of this world I will use my life to shout, "Another world is possible"...for my kingdom is from another place. "My kingdom is not of this world. If it were, my servants would fight...but now my kingdom is from another place" (Jesus; John 18:36).

--------------------------------------

I don't agree with everything he says...

but it resonates deep in my being.

that was a cheesy thing to say, but it's true

2010-09-24T21:59:00.000-07:00

i love bicycling!

love it love it love it

borrowed e's racing bike so a could use my 'user-friendly' one, and it was great! kind of like papa's but not? lower i guess.

finally chicago. settled. there is no other option. and i'm happy about it. could i be anything else? it is exactly what i always wanted, so it's no big deal. self-discipline to adjust to rules, making efforts to get out of the bubble and into the city.

goal 1: find the other 1+3ers

it's so necessary! we're gonna be there for each other next year, so I want to be friends NOW

haha

goal 2: more books, more reading.

use my intellectual gifts to glorify God

2010-09-17T16:59:00.001-07:00

boys

suck

except that's not true. i just hate having my motives judged like i think they are. ugh

harmless interaction misinterpreted by relationship-crazy everyone.

what.ever.

i say that a lot, don't i? haha

getting my energy from hanging out and it's so GREAT!

2010-09-16T01:14:00.000-07:00

FREAKED by a conversation about spiritual warfare and demon-posession that we had tonight. i know for certain that God is stronger and more powerful than the devil and any of his demons but seriously, those stories were intense.

on a lighter note: youth group! i love being a leader again. around the students, learning about their lives, meeting parents, hanging out with a new church family!

and friends. making connections, sharing stories, love love love.

i just wrote a long paragraph explaining what's on my heart. and then deleted it. it needs to be said. i can't.

home. where is it? heaven for sure, but is it still pa?

what.ev.er.

joyful tears today during chapel when I realized that Christ is my great high priest interceding for me at the throne of God! God looks at me and sees the righteousness of Christ. whoa.

2010-09-13T20:32:00.000-07:00

frisbee lesson from e. felt like an idiot girl with a weak wrist. not sure if he was annoyed or amused. ha.

more ot and a super chapel from dr. jonathon armstrong. old covenant is gone, new is in! we either know God or don't. it's that simple. it's not about being fluent in ancient hebrew or traveling the globe to preach the gospel. do you know God? it's that simple.

only eating when hungry, it's a new thing. fat one in the house. it sucks. big time.

homework for the next two weeks is done. bored? but content. this is exactly what i wanted. schwing!

2010-09-11T21:43:00.001-07:00

retreat in idaho. met new folks. strengthened friendships with older friends. campfires, open sky filled to the brim with clear stars like i've never seen before. ever. what am i missing? this is so freaking temporary and it makes me want to tear my hair out in frustration and anger and i don't even know what. i want to be friends forever. they'll forget when i leave. is that really my fear? am i this desperate to be needed? but here i am, legitimately worried that tonight, this weekend will be forgotten this time next year. they can be friends for the next four years. i get one. just one. only one. one.

whatever

e, r, b, j, k, and i. watching e and r fix k's bike basket etc. laughter from conversation that was unnatural just one week ago. fixed by uno and some cold weather. b suggests sushi. so we went. SO FUN. really. haha. i keep hating on this mbridali thing but you know, deep down, i'm a stupid insecure teenager who is dying for some guy who loves God to love me too. ridiculous. but not yet. at least, probably not.

don't miss home. maybe some people. but not home. too much fun. this was just what i needed.

2010-09-05T19:42:00.001-07:00

watched emma (!!!) with j, a, s, and m. what a lovely family with big hearts and sharp wit! also: funny to watch j and s watch the romance parts. hahahahahaahhahah

loved the edge service at mt spokane church on saturday night and hanging out earlier. we're getting better at this "meet everyone" thing. but still no cliff jumping? well i take that back, other houses have gone but we're still trying to figure out how to make it happen...

also: need to stop buying coffee and save for portland! also: gotta make it to seattle and canada by may! but portland in october is definitely doable. need to locate youth hostels near the tennis match site :P

NO MORE COFFEE

also: no gilmore until my ot app for sept 22nd is done. d.o.n.e.

i miss sis k! and the others but they're having loads of fun so it's okay.

2010-09-02T07:06:00.000-07:00

sitting in a dark movie theater is a terrible way to get acquainted. especially with a worthless movie like the A Team playing in the background. but they didn't seem too excited at the idea of another park day?

the situation looks dreary. i sure hope k was satisfied with the social experience. i thought it was silly.

but don't worry, I'm not angry.

class ends at 10:30 today. maybe after a little homework we can go for hangout take 2.

please please please

i'm ready for a little sincerity too, but trust me, a crappy movie that glorifies sin is not the right environment to build friendships. neither is a dark room where you have to be quiet.

just saying.

praise God for a driving! i feel safe with her behind the wheel ;)

2010-08-31T11:00:00.001-07:00

feels like rain today. already cold here. nora is a house of complaints when it comes to the weather. i'll try to stop, at least, i told myself i would.

church doctrines this morning. 3 hours but i could have gone for 9, no lie. i don't think it's because i don't know it (not that i know it all) but i could talk about this stuff forever. also: it's not hormones. i literally laughed and cried and felt a ton of joy all in that one class. maybe that's not a big deal. those who know me know that i cry every week in church, never fail. every week, every church. but haven't been this pumped about learning since MBC and TKM in 9th grade. maybe why atticus coffee & gifts is so appealing. could this transfer over into my study habits??

laundry day. thoughts are about as jumbled as the clothes in the dryer. pardon my cliche. hmmm, can't do an 'e' with an accent aigu with this formatting. what a shame.

first day of senior year for h, c, and s. hope they like it. i've texted to tell them but here's my advice:

-live it up

-share Christ with the kids you'll never see after june. you know, the ones i deleted on fb before deleting fb because i don't want to see their drunk pics from blooms, psu, udel, and wvu

-go on adventures

-run away from the security guards

-learn a little. kolman might be the only one worth learning from

gosh i love them. and i know for certain that c will never read this so i had to text him to tell him. nice thought though, that maybe he would read it. oh well.

ex nihilo

2010-08-30T15:36:00.000-07:00

OT survey today

Genesis. beginnings.

God creates man in his own image. to be a manifestation of God's invisible qualities.

God speaks and creates everything out of nothing.

i respond with a mixture of awe and worry over my first paper for that class.

Borrowed a's bike today and when r & e tried to put air in the tires as a favor, they broke the tire? they're trying to fix it right now. love my life. but thankful for the guys next door.

free box seat (PLUS FIREWORKS) tickets to the spokane indians baseball game tonight. thanks e!

taking notes far ahead of what's due now. hopefully everyone will hate me for my free time come finals.

i miss my bicycle SO MUCH. but so thankful that a is letting me use hers. i sure hope it gets fixed asap. can you tell that i'm worried about that right now? cause i am. yep.

UPDATE

boys fixed bike tire good as new! praise the lord!

biked to the downtown library (3 miles each way) with h's letter as proof of address and forgot my id. i hate when people say this but: epic fail

anyway now i know where it is. cool!

2010-08-29T16:05:00.000-07:00

a small taste of my eclectic experiences thus far in spoakne, wa

above: a legit indian pow wow downtown. culture!

our house! noraaaaa

2010-08-29T10:24:00.000-07:00

WHOA WHOA WHOA

haha remember that post in february where i bemoaned the choice ahead? well God sure chose for me! moody was his desire, but in washington state and not chicago. right now, couldn't be happier. but sinking suspicion that i don't really know what i'm missing in downtown chicago. pshh whatever.

i am a college student now. and i live in spokane, wa. that is 2500 miles from my home. but it's not home anymore? for the past 4 years i have realized that God made me without deep roots. leaving doesn't make me sad, and i don't miss it? well that's a lie i guess...i miss being known. every conversation with a new person a mbi must involve background. no one knows me. and that's a pretty new thing for me. the little things, like explaining who k and m and c and h and t are...it's hard to go from late-night talks and adventures and total familiarity with h staring at the abbey road poster in my room ;) to having to explain who she is when i get a much-needed letter from her. i had to delete my facebook too. ha! i didn't think it would get in the way of homework, but whenever i turn on my computer it's there! and i log in and i don't want to but i did so i got rid of it. praise the lord!

you know what i like about spokane? there's coffee EVERYWHERE. but it's also my least favorite thing. i spend money almost every day on coffee. i need to rein that in somehow. ugh.

church #2 today! southside christian church. inside an old movie theater. focus on the outside, really friendly, but i wondered how much bible study goes on...i'm so so used to hbc and studying one book of the bible verse by verse for like a year. i mean, where else do churches spend 12 weeks on 1 corinthians 13?! i don't know where i'm going to find something like that, or if i will.

also this morning, bike riding into downtown with j! sunshine and the beautiful river and madeline's and a freaking delicious chocolate croissant. what the heck?! too much fun.

WHOA WHOA WHOA

I'm in college

2010-02-13T07:49:00.000-08:00

option #1
Liberty University
Major in English, Minor is TESOL/Missions
-party at the biggest christian school in the nation
-DIVISION I SPORTS!!!!!
-Tons of opportunity with new technology and land and stuff being donated to the school all the time

option #2
Moody Bible Institute
Double Major in Bible and TESOL
-right in the center of downtown Chicago!
-tuition free so I can go into ministry without debts!!!
-totally Bible-focused and 100% doctrinally sound

option #3
Gordon College
Major in English, Minor in TESOL/Missions
-beautiful new england campus
-totally literary-focused and really into the arts
-awesome student-led worship and organizations

what the heck?!?! how am I supposed to choose?!?!?

2010-02-06T13:49:00.000-08:00

what happens on the day when you wake up and you're all alone?

can you die of happiness?

2009-12-12T11:14:00.000-08:00

THIS WAS THE BEST NIGHT EVER!

2009-12-01T14:33:00.000-08:00

I would like to take a seat at the cosmic dinner table,

thank you very much!

CHRISTMAS IS SO NEAR!
also: did you know the difference between "like" and "as"?
"Like" --- used to compare two objects
ex: my shoe is like her shoe
"As" --- used to compare actions
ex: this cookies tastes great, as cookies should!

I have decided...

2009-11-07T17:17:00.001-08:00

It's never too early to make your christmas list! Here's mine! What are you asking for?

and stuff from the Samaritan's Purse Gift Catalogue!!!

2009-11-03T14:13:00.001-08:00

honors programs
merit scholarships
service projects
credit hours
campus tours
professor-student ratio
app deadlines
free tshirts
financial aid workshops

DECISIONS
my head is spinning spinning spinning

one art

2009-10-30T21:00:00.000-07:00

The art of losing isn't hard to master;
so many things seem filled with the intent
to be lost that their loss is no disaster,

Lose something every day. Accept the fluster
of lost door keys, the hour badly spent.
The art of losing isn't hard to master.

Then practice losing farther, losing faster:
places, and names, and where it was you meant
to travel. None of these will bring disaster.

I lost my mother's watch. And look! my last, or
next-to-last, of three beloved houses went.
The art of losing isn't hard to master.

I lost two cities, lovely ones. And, vaster,
some realms I owned, two rivers, a continent.
I miss them, but it wasn't a disaster.

-- Even losing you (the joking voice, a gesture
I love) I shan't have lied. It's evident
the art of losing's not too hard to master
though it may look like (Write it!) a disaster.

keats

2009-10-24T15:26:00.000-07:00

O WHAT can ail thee, knight-at-arms,
Alone and palely loitering?
The sedge has wither’d from the lake,
And no birds sing.

O what can ail thee, knight-at-arms!
So haggard and so woe-begone?
The squirrel’s granary is full,
And the harvest’s done.

I see a lily on thy brow
With anguish moist and fever dew,
And on thy cheeks a fading rose
Fast withereth too.

I met a lady in the meads,
Full beautiful—a faery’s child,
Her hair was long, her foot was light,
And her eyes were wild.

I made a garland for her head,
And bracelets too, and fragrant zone;
She look’d at me as she did love,
And made sweet moan.

I set her on my pacing steed,
And nothing else saw all day long,
For sidelong would she bend, and sing
A faery’s song.

She found me roots of relish sweet,
And honey wild, and manna dew,
And sure in language strange she said—
“I love thee true.”

She took me to her elfin grot,
And there she wept, and sigh’d fill sore,
And there I shut her wild wild eyes
With kisses four.

And there she lulled me asleep,
And there I dream’d—Ah! woe betide!
The latest dream I ever dream’d
On the cold hill’s side.

I saw pale kings and princes too,
Pale warriors, death-pale were they all;
They cried—“La Belle Dame sans Merci
Hath thee in thrall!”

I saw their starved lips in the gloam,
With horrid warning gaped wide,
And I awoke and found me here,
On the cold hill’s side.

And this is why I sojourn here,
Alone and palely loitering,
Though the sedge is wither’d from the lake,
And no birds sing.

2009-10-22T15:20:00.000-07:00

"Don't you wanna feel like that?
You're part of the human race
All of the stars in the outer space
Part of a system plan"

it makes me frustrated that people are searching and searching and searching

and overlook God
even Chris Martin is searching

ED

2009-10-12T14:54:00.000-07:00

The moon was but a chin of gold
A night or two ago,
And now she turns her perfect face
Upon the world below.

Her forehead is of amplest blonde;
Her cheek is beryl stone;
Her eye unto the summer dew
The likest I have known.

Her lips of amber never part;
But what must be the simle
Upon her friend she could bestow
Were such her silver will!

And what a privilege to be
But the remotest star!
For certainly her way might pass
Beside your twinkling door.

Her bonnet is the firmament,
The universe her shoe,
The stars the trinkets at her belt,
Her dimities of blue.

nicene creed

2009-10-11T13:52:00.000-07:00

I believe in one God, the Father Almighty, Maker of heaven and earth, and of all things visible and invisible.

And in one Lord Jesus Christ, the only-begotten Son of God, begotten of the Father before all worlds; God of God, Light of Light, very God of very God; begotten, not made, being of one substance with the Father, by whom all things were made.

Who, for us men and for our salvation, came down from heaven, and was incarnate by the Holy Spirit of the virgin Mary, and was made man; and was crucified also for us under Pontius Pilate; He suffered and was buried; and the third day He rose again, according to the Scriptures; and ascended into heaven, and sits on the right hand of the Father; and He shall come again, with glory, to judge the quick and the dead; whose kingdom shall have no end.
And I believe in the Holy Ghost, the Lord and Giver of Life; who proceeds from the Father and the Son; who with the Father and the Son together is worshipped and glorified; who spoke by the prophets.

And I believe in one holy catholic and apostolic Church. I acknowledge one baptism for the remission of sins; and I look for the resurrection of the dead, and the life of the world to come.

Amen.

gorgeous

2009-10-07T18:13:00.000-07:00

A VALEDICTION FORBIDDING MOURNING.
by John Donne

AS virtuous men pass mildly away,
And whisper to their souls to go,
Whilst some of their sad friends do say,
"Now his breath goes," and some say, "No."

So let us melt, and make no noise, 5
No tear-floods, nor sigh-tempests move ;
'Twere profanation of our joys
To tell the laity our love.

Moving of th' earth brings harms and fears ;
Men reckon what it did, and meant ; 10

But trepidation of the spheres,
Though greater far, is innocent.

Dull sublunary lovers' love
—Whose soul is sense—cannot admit
Of absence, 'cause it doth remove 15
The thing which elemented it.

But we by a love so much refined,
That ourselves know not what it is,
Inter-assurèd of the mind,
Care less, eyes, lips and hands to miss. 20

Our two souls therefore, which are one,
Though I must go, endure not yet
A breach, but an expansion,
Like gold to aery thinness beat.

If they be two, they are two so 25
As stiff twin compasses are two ;
Thy soul, the fix'd foot, makes no show
To move, but doth, if th' other do.

And though it in the centre sit,
Yet, when the other far doth roam, 30
It leans, and hearkens after it,
And grows erect, as that comes home.

Such wilt thou be to me, who must,
Like th' other foot, obliquely run ;
Thy firmness makes my circle just, 35
And makes me end where I begun.

2009-09-25T21:10:00.000-07:00

everything just got VERY confusing

if i had the money and time to visit every school I like, this would be a whole lot easier.

*sheepish grin* i really like liberty

still praying---not sure what God wants yet, will you do me a favor and ask him?

2009-09-20T18:59:00.000-07:00

I absolutely cannot get a hold of help!, meet the beatles, beatles for sale, and please please me
I really want to have all their stuff grr
youth group tonight was good! I can't wait to get through more of revelation, I already feel the urgency from just a preview.
lots of work tomorrow, trying to get ahead of my homework before I visit kate (!!!!!!!)

2009-09-12T11:54:00.000-07:00

I have a serious crush on several musical artists
it's pretty much like loving a celebrity, but somehow I justify it

ummm but not rascal flatts, I DO NOT have a crush on them...yep

2009-09-06T19:43:00.001-07:00

Enjoy some of my favorite songs in the world!!!

2009-09-02T19:29:00.000-07:00

I was going to write something, but I signed on and suddenly had no desire to move my fingers and type out what I was going to say

oh well...too bad for you
not that anyone but my friends read this

2009-08-27T18:28:00.000-07:00

i was just thinking the other day and i realized how much i love the earth. not that cheesy "love your mother" picture of cartoon earth tshirts, but a genuine love for how amazing the earth is. i am baffled by the extraordinary variety of culture, people, plants, mountains, oceans, and animals in the world. how completey amazing! and to think it is only a shadow of what it should have been and what it will be when God comes in and cleans up everything for good. how completely fantastic and (dare i use my favorite word) marvelous! i LOVE the earth! truly truly, i love it!

2009-08-25T11:37:00.000-07:00

do you ever wish that life was like a dinner where there is a pre-set menu? and you just have to choose from like 2 things or not choose at all? I wish someone would just tell me what to do, because it's so much easier that way. but then I would probably be mad at my lack of free will.

oh hey hannah!

mat kearney

2009-08-14T14:54:00.000-07:00

On and on and on we pray, we can break into a brighter day
Nothing worth anything ever goes down easy
On and on and on we go, I don't understand this windy road
Nothing worth anything ever goes down easy

nothing worth anything ever goes down easy, so I will suck it up, get to work, and focus on what's important. because I want more out of life than doylestown and cb west. I'll break into a brighter day, just gotta finish senior year

2009-08-05T19:14:00.000-07:00

Every single night I pray for the chance to go back

Is that selfish?

2009-07-29T19:42:00.000-07:00

I would like to drive please!
ok thanks

2009-07-26T12:10:00.000-07:00

2009-07-19T19:28:00.000-07:00

For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works which God prepared in advance for us to do.
---Ephesians 2:10---

if you even read this...pray for our week at church!
when things seem uncertain, he has had a plan since FOREVER, and he knows exactly who we will meet and minister to during our stay-at-home missions trip

2009-07-17T11:11:00.000-07:00

so I'm thinking and I realize that I am so glad I can't understand God.
who wants to worship someone who is no smarter than /just as smart as themselves?
NOT ME!

"hear o israel: the Lord our God, the Lord is ONE" deuteronomy 6:4

james

2009-07-12T12:31:00.000-07:00

Pure and undefiled religion in the sight of our God and Father is this: to visit orphans and widows in their distress, and to keep oneself unstained by the world

Big Brother Is Watching You

2009-07-11T06:07:00.000-07:00

HA! Actually, my parents are! There are, apparently, rules in my house about how late you can stay downstairs. Who knew?
Actually though, 1984 was one of THE BEST books I've ever read. SO GOOD.

globetrotters

2009-07-01T17:09:00.001-07:00

well...my little corner of the big old world just keeps getting smaller

where are all of you???

2009-06-25T12:17:00.000-07:00

"I dreamt you were a cosmonaut of the space between our chairs
And I was a cartographer of the tangles in your hair
awkward pause fatal flaws"

thank you for your wisdom on this summer day andrew...

guess what?!?!
I have decided that it is okay to wait
I will have nothing to compare to him, no expectations or disappointments when it's finally time
It will be perfect, and I can stop waiting on someone who doesn't even pay attention
It's worth it, I'll be happier
successful day I'll say

2009-06-21T14:41:00.000-07:00

It takes two to go to war
and only one to fall in love

2009-06-16T16:10:00.000-07:00

2009-06-15T04:35:00.001-07:00

Sometimes, I just DON'T understand you

but I can't wait! All of this will be so exciting!!!

2009-06-11T05:43:00.000-07:00

If I was ready, I would be ready
I am not ready

For By It The Men Of Old Gained Approval...

2009-06-09T05:29:00.000-07:00

"Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen."
Hebrews 11:1

When I look and cannot see I will live by FAITH

2009-06-07T11:54:00.001-07:00

how many secrets do we keep?
they can't all be real

in the big big world there is a loud loud cry
and only those who listen can hear

2009-06-05T04:37:00.001-07:00

You have no clue how lucky you are so QUIT WHINING!
hope is tangible and lies taste bad...it's true I know

"How long till I don't feel like you're still right here
Reminding me of what is real
I'm not sure that I'll get over you
I'm not sure that I want to"

thanks again jon foreman for reading my mind

I need something new to blog about...it's pathetic

2009-06-02T14:00:00.000-07:00

I try too hard...you don't have to tell me

and! no more missing curfew...I AM a good child

in the unlikely event that this happens:

2009-05-31T11:11:00.000-07:00

Girl:
Jane

Boy:
Cameron

yepp

2009-05-30T15:00:00.000-07:00

some things should change, some should not
as much as it bothered me, he's right! YOU CAN'T FAKE REAL
why do I push God out of some parts of my life?
no no no
authenticity=truth
and I am always looking for truth!

2009-05-28T04:40:00.000-07:00

I depart as air
and I don't look back.

I DO NOT WANT TO WAIT ANYMORE
really

things I learned during study hall

2009-05-26T05:12:00.001-07:00

temporary confidence boosters can fix anything
sundresses make things fun
thinking is the best thing that God lets us do
18 weeks is not enough time to learn chem

SUMMER NOW PLEASE

2009-05-25T19:03:00.000-07:00

Ever actually think about how many times per day you lie and are lied to?
why can't we just tell each other the truth?

constant state of decay

2009-05-23T18:35:00.001-07:00

In a Soloman mood today
Why bother fighting?
We are ALL dying
From the start

"Is there anything of which one can say, "Look! This is something new"? It was here already, long ago; it was here before our time. There is no remembrance of men of old, and even those who are yet to come will not be remembered by those who follow." Ecclesiastes

Lord, Save Me From Myself

2009-05-22T19:25:00.001-07:00

I am more than a number, I know I am!
Can I move on? Can I be fine without you?
There was nothing, there is nothing.
I'll probably do worse the second time around.

I WANT TO RIDE MY BICYCLE!
love love love

2009-05-20T04:31:00.000-07:00

Don't I have something to be doing now?
I wish I drove to school so that I wouldn't have to waste time in stupid study hall!

ALSO: this is getting scary.
the dreams are real! and I just dream real things, like real days, real scenarios, real people.
not psychic or anything, just possible I guess, like stuff that could or will happen.

and if it didn't bother me then, it does now?
somethings just aren't possible, and I wish this wasn't one of them.
He'll be gone, and I'll be here
smooth

2009-05-18T05:00:00.001-07:00

I hardly have dreams, and I never trust them
but lately, they've been real
like real things that could happen, and real people having real conversations
and someone's in them, and it's not creepy, I promise.
my subconcious confirms my reality? scary.
but disappointment also confirmed the worst yesterday, well maybe not the worst, but it was bad.
I wish you wouldn't have to read this, the rest is fine, but you don't need to be burdened.

"It all began with love personified"
---that's another one of my 6 word stories
!!!

2009-05-17T11:30:00.000-07:00

"nothing will ever be enough. i was wrong. i cant even ask if i acn do anyhting because nothing can heal the wounds of broken trust. i'm taking ur advice to heart. there will never be anything that will get between me and God ever. there will also never be anything getting between you and me. these miles between us seem but afternoon stroll down the boardwalk. when i go the distance to get to you, i will not stop, or even look at the attractions along the way. no curly fries, no popcorn, not even my all time favorite: salt water taffy. i will fix my eyes on you. you alone will be my goal. God cannot be kept out of this. He made the boardwalk that i now walk upon to fulfill my goal of healing the wounds that i have made with the love of God that i have through the Holy Spirit which will flow out of me to you. you re the greatest woman i know and probally ever know. i didnt not want to hurt the greatest woman alive. will never want to hurt the greatest woman alive. i cant say enough how much i am sorry. i will repent and completely turn from this thing that has haunted my reltionships fro a while. it is people like you that i need in my life and i want to spend my life with you. this will NEVER happen again""

THIS IS CREEPY!
An INSANE 17 year old wrote this, and I feel terrible for the poor girl who got hit with this load of uncontrolled emotion all at once...people do scary things online

2009-05-15T19:40:00.001-07:00

come on get higher
loosen my lips
faith and desire in the swing of your hips
just pull me down hard and drown me in love

YES
I am quickly compiling my list of songs I want a boy to sing to me

2009-05-14T04:33:00.000-07:00

Blogging at school? haha, they don't block it with their "advanced" security systems.
I was looking at schools last night, and I can't wait!!! I need to get out of here. Right now I'm looking at Wheaton and Gordon and Liberty...they all look so cool! *stamps foot* Can't I go to all of them???

One downfall: price tag
$35,500
!!!
that's like the price of a small child or a new car
PER SEMESTER!!!
but wheaton looks like a serious party of christian acadmeics. YES

PS: ABOVE PICTURE IS COOL

Modest Mouse

2009-05-12T12:31:00.000-07:00

And we'll all float on, ok.
And we'll all float on any way, well

do they have to leave? I don't know what I'll do without them! I'm no leader!
she got her freedom today in the form of a piece of plastic. and she won't even share it.

someone needs to re-read her parenting manual.
page 65 sentence 8: "Parents should take their children to all scheduled doctor/ORTHODONTIST appointments. If the parent is in a foul mood on the day of said appointment and refuses to take their child to the appointment, it should be RESCHEDULED for a day when the parent is not feeling quite so menopausal."
THERE YA GO MOM!

ps: does this even make sense to you ever?
and who are you?! only my friends read my blog. haha

2009-05-10T11:09:00.000-07:00

You're always more interesting than I am.
I would like to visit an art gallery right now.
But I'm going to gma's now
cool

2009-05-07T14:12:00.001-07:00

"Bring me the sunset in a cup" -Emily Dickinson
Give me the oceans bottled, but can they be contained?
Catch the light of her smile, grasp at fragments before dusk.
Show me beauty Show me grace Show me fear Show me pain.
Bring me the riches of old in the form of love

---

That was cool...the writing exercise was to take a line from a famous poem and then make the rest your own

2009-05-06T18:07:00.000-07:00

I Miss It Today

No Lie...

2009-05-05T17:34:00.000-07:00

New Song: Fitz and The Dizzyspells by Andrew Bird
He uses his violin for the beginning...it's sick.

haha, isn't it great how kids prefer random things over toys?! Why do we spend so much money on toys?? good times...and uncertain future plans
GREAT

2009-05-03T18:24:00.000-07:00

mmmmmmmm two posts in one day is SO obsessive...but I love this song, so here's the lyrics:

Morning Yearning by: Ben Harper

A fingers touch upon my lips
It’s a morning yearning
It’s a morning yearning
Pull the curtains shut try to keep it dark
But the sun is burning
The sun is burning

The world awakens on the run
And we’ll soon be earning We’ll soon be earning
With hopes of better days to come
That’s a morning yearning
Morning yearning
Morning yearning…

Another day another chance to get it right
Must I still be learning?
Must I still be learning?
Baby crying kept us up all night With her morning yearning
With her morning yearning
Morning yearning…

Like a summer rose I’m a victim of the fall
But am soon returning
Soon returning
Your love’s the warmest place the sun ever shines
My morning yearning
My morning yearning
Morning yearning…

2009-05-03T10:29:00.000-07:00

May my only fault be that I love too deeply
Drawing is fun!
It's raining today...we might have to talk to each other
family? what a strange concept

2009-04-28T14:31:00.001-07:00

Abiogneic oil production will make it easier for Americans to get more oil faster and be greedy and waste it. Cool.
LOVE PSSA

I do not have lyrics for right now.
prom date? I'm waiting

2009-04-21T16:31:00.000-07:00

"I'm so bored of little gods while standing on the edge of something large."
thanks dave crowder!
why waste my time idolizing people, myself, etc. when the biggest, most awesome, and loving God is waiting to have an even deeper personal relationship with me?

Action is Not My Enemy

2009-04-19T11:07:00.000-07:00

OK! I've read enough books by pastors of emerging churches who talk about ditching old church values for truly living like Christ among a people who don't know what a true follower of the way should look like. I've got a whole shelf of books telling me to boycott Starbucks, throw out my clothes made in sweat shops overseas, reduce my cash flow into major corporations and spend some time with the homeless.
I thank God for putting me in America, and I cry out in pain for the lifestyle I lead without second thoughts most days. Time to stop reading and start doing. Christ will have a tangible face in me. My newest and biggest and most urgent goal: Reflect Christ.
But can I keep my GAP clothes? I kind of like them :)

lies

2009-04-15T18:22:00.000-07:00

I single handedly revive the economy every day
at least...it feels that way

does this make you feel like there's hope for the world?
if it doesn't, I don't know what you're on!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9lp0IWv8QZY

2009-04-14T10:08:00.000-07:00

My cover is blown
I'm faded and dreary
When my love is away
My cover is blown
When she leaves me alone
I'm weathered and weary
The nights are the days
When my love is away

When she's near the new year's here
And there is not a resolution that I can't do,
I see things clearly when she's near me
When she's near me all the world is new

etc etc etc
-When She's Near by Fiction Family

SOMEBODY PLEASE SING THIS TO ME
:)

Happy Easter!

2009-04-12T10:06:00.000-07:00

Love's finest moment
CHRIST IS RISEN!!!!

2009-04-10T11:37:00.000-07:00

Happiness is...frolicking everywhere
Hate is...an unreturned smile
Friendship is...unending conversation
Freedom is...a day off from school
Wonder is...looking through a telescope
Peace is...asking for forgiveness
Winter is...nap time for the earth
Death is...

hmmm, might have to think about that last one
thanks han

2009-04-07T18:38:00.001-07:00

coming to terms with the facts that:

-He doesn't care
-I am not as smart as I used to be
-I am not in control

This is hard

and if only the painting were my life...maybe simon middelton would give me gems

nevermind, my name's not gemma

2009-04-05T13:26:00.001-07:00

Everytime I try to do something creative, it never works out
do you ever feel like one day you'll wake up and realize that your whole life is a dream?
how is history possible? how could I be doing this right now?

Anais Nin

2009-03-31T18:10:00.000-07:00

"I seek the real stuff of life. Profound drama."

I like it
Must find more writings by this sensational author
And must take a new picture, but don't like the look the lens gives me
big changes on friday, but they never seem like they are for real

sonnet 130 and an acrylic daydream

2009-03-28T13:43:00.000-07:00

"My mistress' eyes are nothing like the sun

Coral is far more red than her lips' red;

I have seen roses damasked, red and white,

but no such roses see I in her cheeks;

And in some prefumes there is more delight

Than in the breath that from my mistress reeks.

I love to hear her speak yet well I know

That music hath a far more pleasing sound.

I grant I never saw a goddess go;

My mistress, when she walks treads on the ground.

And yet, by heaven, I think my love as rare

As any she belied with false compare."

---William Shakespeare

How wonderful to think that he sees the obvious flaws in his love's beauty, yet regards her as lovely still, even more lovely than women who try too hard or charm with only their faces and not their character.

Also---what a lovely day! This single painting strengthened a bond between two friends, awakened an artistic desire I had until now not recognized, and passed the hours of a joyous saturday without work.

blur

2009-03-25T18:19:00.000-07:00

No matter how crazy things in my life are getting (ie: right now) I will always make time to keep reading, because I love finding cool things in obscure books. Here's my latest discovery

"My God how endless is thy love!
Thy gifts are every evening new;
And morning mercies from above
Gently distill like early dew.

Thou spread'st the curtains of the night
Great Guardian of my sleeping hours;
Thy sovreign word restores the light
and quickens all my drowsy pow'rs

I yield my pow'rs to thy command.
To thee I consecrate my days;
Perpetual blessings deom thy hand
Demand perpetual songs of praise."

-Isaac Watts, 1708

I also found another sonnet I LOVE
maybe I'll post it when things cool down
which might be never, but we'll see

A Look Beyond

2009-03-23T14:52:00.000-07:00

"Beauty calls with a siren's voice, and our longing to abandon all and chase after it is almost overwhelming. But we find that beauty is like the rainbow's end: It beckons but eludes. It's a shimmering soap bubble that disappears in our grasping hand. In the presence of beauty we are like a child with her nose pressed to the window of a toy store. We look and yearn, but we find a barrier that prevents the full experience of what is before us. As much as we long to immerse ourselves in the beauty we see, we can't do it. Even at the most intense moment of ectasy in our experience of the symphony, the sunset, the painting, or the embrace, we realize that what we really long for is yet beyond. These wonderful things are only the images fo the real object of our desire, and that object remains as elusive as ever."

"In beauty we hear the chords of the supernatural reverberating within nature. Beauty invites us to see within nature and art that greater reality in which everything has its origin. Beauty in its fullness remains elusive to us because it emanates from a dimension that is closed off to us. We live within nature---a nature so fallen that it taints all the beauty that shines on it from the dimersion of the supernatural. Yet beauty breaks through the cloud of the Fall and bathes all nature with a glory that declares the transcendent source of all things. The glimpses of beauty that invade our world are tangible evidence that beauty in its fullness does exist. And that taste of beauty underscores the promise that we can ultimately ascend to that dimension and find the true object of our desire. But not yet. For now is our place in the world, where we have tasks to be done and duties to be performed before we can abandon all and pursue the beauty that so tantalizes us."

---The Search for Certainty by Josh McDowell and Thomas Williams

WOW
That was the coolest thing I have read in...ever

innocence again?

2009-03-21T11:50:00.000-07:00

Mama asked what I wanted for my 17th birthday today:

Well, I didn't tell her this, but I secretly want a time machine. I would then use said time machine to go and change my life by:

1) not quitting ballet
2) not quitting field hockey
3) taking piano lessons
4) staying in touch with devynne
5) living on a farm

I think I might be getting a bike and clothes
second best to a recaptured childhood I guess

layed out on the dead yellow post-winter grass in my front yard to analyze sonnet #130, my dog barked at another dog, and then hot-ish 19 year old neighbor boy came to get his dog and found me, sprawled on the dead yellow post-winter grass in soffees, phantom of the opera tshirt, aviators, and gross after working hair

hate my life sometimes

not in the mood for dinner, organizing the songs on mama's iPod
did I mention? not going home from church tomorrow...this musical is the worst thing since snuggies

exhaustion

2009-03-19T18:11:00.000-07:00

"Now I was sitting waiting wishing that you believed in superstitions
Then maybe you'd see the signs
But Lord knows that this world is cruel
And I ain't the Lord no I'm just a fool
Learning loving somebody don't make them love you

Must I always be waiting, waiting on you?
Must I always be playing, playing your fool?"
---my bff jack j

TIRED OF THIS BEING THE STORY OF MY LIFE
even my disgusting materialism and amazing friends can't be the band-aid on this cut!

Really want to take a walk---don't want to get wet

what you thought you need

2009-03-17T17:35:00.000-07:00

do we ever know what's best for ourselves?

I sat next to a picnic bench today and felt the sun
molly literally ate my oldest pair of flip flops
they're in the bottom of the trashcan---can't bring myself to spend $2.50 on a new pair

answer to #1
I don't think so

ce n'est pas d'accord

2009-03-14T10:39:00.000-07:00

Poetry---read it but don't write it
note to self: shakespeare to come

Materialism---I am the victim
note to self: stop carrying money around

Reading---I know nothing
note to self: expand the bookshelf (contradicts my materialism?!)

Social Appeal---I am the original wallflower
note to self: meet someone new

School Work Ethic---could care less, parents don't agree
note to self: actually crack the calc book, compose the music theory project, turn those C's into A's before April

isn't it ironic?

2009-03-09T16:57:00.001-07:00

Out of all the Post Secrets I've read, I somehow like this one the best. Just a few days ago, I found a time capsule in my room that I made when I was in about 2nd grade. I haven't opened it, because it told me not to until 2019, but I think burying it would be more fun. Who knows? Maybe someone will find it 50 years from now when our house is no longer standing, and they will find it interesting. Hopefully whatever this person had to bury wasn't too painful...because all the person who finds mine is getting is a few momentos of Pokemon and American Girl Dolls!

Also a note: I'm getting baptized along with my older sister and my brother on Easter Sunday...can't wait!

And one more thing: HOW COOL IS THIS?!?!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SG6Ef-NQCi4

to do

2009-03-07T18:33:00.000-08:00

There are SO MANY things I wish I was good at! But I don't seem to have the time to accomplish them...my life is so busy right now!!! I do use this cool website called 43things to "keep track" of the things I want to do...but it's more for kicks than anything. Here's an abbreviated list of the things I want to learn/do right now

1) Play Guitar
2) Play Piano
3) Play Flute
4) Learn sign language
5) Work on french fluency
6) Learn to do a cartwheel
7) Learn how to knit *well*

I truly have no time for any of this...but I want to do them all SO BADLY!

the secret sits

2009-03-03T16:03:00.000-08:00

"We sit round in a ring and suppose

But the Secret sits in the middle and knows."

Robert Frost 1936

WHOAA! this was a super cool poem to read...and I like it so much!

Well anyway...I've been pretty busy, especially with a renewed interest in playing my viola and doing cool things like that, but I'm getting my permit (1 year late woot!!!) on thursday and just normal stuff.

Also---I have noticed a recent disinterest in doing my homework and anything else related to school---this is not good, especially since I am only 1/4 of the way finished with my real classes this year

And up top is just one of the photos I'm entering in the coffeehouse photography contest at church:

taken right before new year's if I remember correctly

the shinsss

2009-02-16T15:10:00.000-08:00

"under the rocks are snails and we can fills our pockets
and let them go one by one all day in a brand new place"

I just want someone to pick me up and take me somewhere new!!!

today from 1:00-6:00 was the most boring day of my life
dinner and 24 might fix this I think

the supertonic second chord must be God's favorite

2009-02-16T11:59:00.000-08:00

I've got a wound that doesn't heal
Burning out again
Burning out again
I'm not sure which of me is real
I'm alone again
Burning out again

music speaks to me in ways that conversations can't
I wish I knew it better

I looked at these verses today:

"Have mercy on me oh God, according to your unfailing love; according to your great compassion blot out my transgressions...create in me a clean heart oh God and renew a steadfast spirit within me. Do not cast me out from your presence or take your Holy Spirit from Me."
Pslams 51: 1, 10-11

Knowing that these verses and the whole book were written as songs is one of the most comforting thoughts I have...but I have no clue why. I think God loves music as much as we do.

25 Things

2009-02-12T16:58:00.000-08:00

Well, everyone is posting this on facebook, but I don't really want to, so I'll put it one here :]

1) I change everyday---this is both a good thing and a bad thing because it makes me seem like I have no identity/just follow everyone else (not true!!!) But I also tend to like a lot of the same things as my friends, so we just kind of act like clones of each other, which is fine by us, but other people probably find that creepy.

2) There is nothing I love more than a good adventure. Running around stores, parks, my house, etc. doing the wierdest and most fun things ever with my friends. That it my ideal day...just frolicking wherever I go and having a good time.

3) I have no clue beyond english/french what I want to do in life. I think I want to go to Liberty University, but lots of people are bashing me for it b/c lots of kids form my church end up there...but what can I say! It's the biggest evangelical christian university in the country...there are bound to be some people I know at it!!!

4) There is nothing I want more right now than to travel...everywhere! Last summer I went to Nairobi Kenya on a missions trip with 6 other students in my youth group, and it was the most amazing experience of my life. This summer I am prayerfully considering a trip to Ireland, and there are so many more places I want to go. I would aboslutely love to travel to India, Nepal, France, Brazil, Morocco, Egypt, and Sudan, as well as Japan. I just love traveling so much, and being able to share the good news of Christ along the way is a superb bonus.

5) I love music. I have played viola for 8 years, and I love singing too. I am always listening to music, my favorite bands are relientK, switchfoot, jack johnson, jon foreman, the strokes, the shins, david crowder band, red hot chili peppers, and sanctus real

6) My favorite color is purple

7) I am trying this new thing where I do not "love" food anymore. Food is just for survival, it is not a recreational activity, and I should definitely be thinking more about activity than eating. so yeah

8) My favorite tv shows in the whole entire world are 24, The Office, and 30 Rock. I pretty much do not watch anything else except the occasional episode of Jon and Kate Plus 8 when I'm over someone's house who has cable.

9) I love to read so much! But just real books, I HATE TWILIGHT. It is a sorry excuse for a book, with zero intellectual content. If you think you read because you like Twilight, you are sadly mistaken my friend! Some of my favorites are East of Eden, A Great and Terrible Beauty, and Till We Have Faces.

10) I work at a bakery...yeah

11) I love to people watch and make up stories about people who I'm watching...it's not as creepy as it sounds

12) I love flip flops... I wear them from March until November, and I wouldn't have it any other way!

13) I hate facebook, I hate feeling like I need to check it to talk to friends...why can't we just call each other!?!? but I'd be hard pressed to quit!

14) I'm scared to have children. I know that I would be too selfish to play with them, and I would always be like "Mommy needs her alone time" and stuff like that. But I really want a child to call me Mom

15)If I could pick any decade to live in, it would be the 1920's. Everyone had fun, danced at parties, and had a good time before the Depression. The dresses were shorter, the parties were better. End of story

16) I straighten my hair every day. When it's not, I get really selfconcious

17) I hate the thought of graduating and never seein certain people again...I wanna be best friends forever with all of my best friends!

18) I can't wait to drive, but I will be a serious spastic behind the wheel...shhh don't tell my parents

19) I love quoting from movies and having other people understand me

20) I'm scared to buy a house, because I know it won't look like the Better Homes and Gardens magazines I grew up looking at

21) Speaking French makes me feel like part of an exclusive club

22) I absolutely cannot wait to get my nose pierced!!! Nothing creepy, just a tiny little diamond stud....very classy!

23) I want to be the coolest old person ever! If I end up creepy, ugly, or grumpy, then I'll feel like my life is over. I want to be amusing, well traveled, and classy...not obnoxious!

24) What if someone I knew was in the witness protection program and I never knew! Obviously I would never know, they wouldn't say anything! What if my parents, or my best friends were? I THINK ABOUT THAT ALL THE TIME!

25) I paint my nails all the time...I love having a new color and I hate when they get chipped!

perfection

2009-02-10T14:18:00.000-08:00

Remember that old childhood game with the little pieces on the board that you push down with the timer and you had to get them all in before the timer ended and the board popped and messed up all your work and it was SO STRESSFUL?!?!?!
I sure do! Well, my life right now feels like that game. With new classes, tons of homework, stuff at youth group, the church musical, work and trying to find another job, plus learning to drive, picking out colleges, and trying to decide if I'm going to Ireland on a missions trip this summer. I'm just trying to fit all the pieces into their specific holes before it pops and everything gets ruined.

So talking about Ireland is a little more relaxing, because I don't know all the details yet and I'm just praying about it.
So here's the gist:
I'd be going to a town about 5 minutes from Dublin, Ireland for two weeks to work with a group called Ireland Outreach Organization. Their whole purpose is to spread the word about Jesus Christ's works-free salvation to the mainly Roman Catholic population, taking adavantage of the national law that religion of all forms is to be taught in public schools. I would be going with my "aunt beth and uncle dan" (really good friends of my parents) and their three kids (daniel 7, matthew 5, lizzy 3). The opportunity for me to travel again (I still miss Nairobi, Kenya every day) would be fabulous, especially because the youth group missions trip this year will probably be local at best.
So I don't know what the plan is yet, but if it is God's will for me to travel to Dublin, Ireland this summer, I will gladly follow :]

Post Secrets?

2009-02-06T16:14:00.000-08:00

I bring you stuff from work just to hear you say
"You're The BEST!"
But I'm scared that you'll never like me for me

poetry and drama

2009-02-03T13:03:00.000-08:00

We read this poem in my Brit Lit class last semester, and I had to put it on, I Love it SO MUCH!

Not Waving But Drowning by: Stevie Smith 1957

Nobody heard him, the dead man,
But still he lay moaning:
I was so much farther out than you thought
and not waving but drowning.

Poor chap, he always loved larking
and now he's dead
It must have been too cold for him his heart gave way
They said.

Oh no no no, it was too cold always
(Still the dead one lay moaning)
I was much too far out all my life
and not waving but drowning.

-----

How frightening to think about overlooking the signs of depression and suicidal behaviors in my own friends! I hope it never happens, and if you know a friend who might be trying to signal for help---don't ignore or think you can't help.

Ok---that was my big thought for the day, I started French yesterday, and although I knew I missed it, I had no clue how much. French is my absolute favorite part of school, I love learning the language, the grammar, and how to say things in another language. I think I would be so blessed if God allowed me to use French in a career or to serve him. I think missions work in French-speaking Africa, or even working for the United Nations or a missions agency as a translator would be fabulous. I hope that I can use the opportunity to learn efficiently and well in this class to help build a foundation for a future job.

Another goal I have stems from the winter retreat I just went on last weekend with my youth group, and the importance of committing every aspect of my life to Christ, and learning to let go of the sin that separates me from him. I just want everyone around me to know that Christ is number one in my life, and I need to find ways to make sure that happens. Whether it's through orchestra, work, volunteering, classes in general, and even how I handle my friendships.
Well, that was a lot more than I really wanted to write...so later I guess

adulthood and n64

2009-01-29T14:43:00.000-08:00

Today was a good day. Finals, friends, sledding, and getting ready for the youth retreat this weekend. I also had a revelation today...I don't want to grow up. Everything I did today was something my mom hasn't done in 20 years. Singing badly along with rock music, trying to snowboard down the back hill, dancing with funny clothes and shoes on, laughing about playing stupid video games till my stomach hurt. Is there are way to keep all of that and still grow up? I worry about that all the time.

Also--anyone who has spoken to me in the past week or so has heard this a million times: I can't wait for summer! Despite the fact that my parents told me I had to work 30 hours per week, every day will be me and my best friends, running around in sundresses and flip flops, drinking lemonade and dancing to Starry-Eyed Surprise :)
As highly unrealistic as this sounds, it would be lovely.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u_pT278MRFs
I want summer now!